just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
