You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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