Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
