its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
