is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
