Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
