i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We have started to decorate penises.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
