I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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