I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
