Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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