Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
