Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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