i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That's when you crack a 10am beer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
