only if we run a train.
done.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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