A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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