I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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