you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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