Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
