Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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