i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
