Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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