I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
