i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
