you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
