Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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