I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
