Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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