U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
