Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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