wrigley field is MILF paradise
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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