No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
