Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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