the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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