Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
