My first STD was from a foam party
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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