Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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