those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
