Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
As shirtless as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize