Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize