I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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