garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
