My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
