whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
