So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
