FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
