i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
