super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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