no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
