You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
