So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
