Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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