He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
