Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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