respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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