party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
