Just cropdusted the office
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
