I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
