I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
