What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well you can't waste a boner
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
